Failed Step One
by I.W.P-chan
Summary: Takeshi and Hayato attempt to be matchmakers for Tsuna. They fail before they even start trying.


Summary: Takeshi and Hayato attempt to be matchmakers for Tsuna. They fail before they even start trying.

 _Note: I have nothing to say. Also, I have no idea if this counts as Trash Fic #2_

 **Warnings: Shameless Self-Indulgence, Crack (What Else Is New?), Family Shenanigans, Friends Shenanigans, Fake Dating (OR IS IT?).**

 **Disclaimer:** Don't own.

.

"I can't believe you convinced me to do this."

"Haha, c'mon Hayato, you know this is what would be best for Tsuna."

Hayato scowled at Takeshi, "I am _aware_ ," He bit out, "That my boss craves a romantic relationship. Just why do you want to discuss it with him in the first place?"

Takeshi smiled, "I asked Enma what the best approach for relationship matters was and he said that communication is key. So we're going to be honest with Tsuna about it."

Hayato squinted at Takeshi, "Color me impressed, I never expected you to think of it this way. Maybe all that time you spent with Kyoko was a good idea, after all."

"Oh! There he is!" Takeshi's smile widened as he raised an arm and waved, "Hey, Tsuna! Over here!"

Tsuna walked over towards the two and sat in front of them with a confused look on his face, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Takeshi pressed the tips of his fingers together and stared intently at Tsuna, who looked thrown off by the sudden change in attitude. Not that Hayato was doing any better.

"So, we know you want to be in a romantic relationship," Takeshi started and Tsuna jumped a bit in place.

"O-oh?" Tsuna asked nervously, as he toyed a bit with the hem of his shirt.

"Yes." Takeshi nodded sagely, "And that's why we, Hayato and I, are going to be your matchmakers and set you up with someone."

Hayato inwardly cursed and resisted the urge to throttle the idiot sitting next to him. Tsuna gaped, his eyes staring accusingly in Hayato's direction. 'Et tu, Hayato?' his eyes seemed to say and Hayato wanted to sink into the ground and not get up until doomsday.

"But!" Tsuna snapped his jaw shut and flailed, "You! You can't? I! I am already dating someone!" he burst out. Takeshi stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Who?"

"Ah, um. Uh. That is. Well it's…" Tsuna trailed off as he looked frantically around the room as if the answer would just present itself from behind the wall clock or from underneath the carpet.

"ENMA!" Tsuna stared at Takeshi and Hayato in horror, as if he couldn't believe what he just said out loud.

"I. um." Tsuna scratched the back of his head, face contorted into the most awkward expression Hayato had ever seen his boss make, and Hayato had seen him be awkward after he face-planted into Ryohei's bare chest.

"I think I should go," Tsuna said quietly as he trudged out of the room.

Hayato sighed and looked over at Takeshi, "Happy?"

Takeshi looked pensive, "Is this the moment where he goes to talk to Enma to convince him to fake date him?"

Hayato slapped him over the head, "I take back what I said about you spending time with Kyoko being a good idea."

The two lapsed into a rare moment of silence as they mulled over the situation.

"Do you think he's actually been dating Enma all along but we never noticed?" Takeshi asked as he racked his memory for every moment he saw Tsuna and Enma near each other. "Remember that time when we found them in a closet with a disheveled appearance? Could it be…"

Hayato scowled as he reached for a cigarette, "Those fucking bullies, I'll show them when I find them. And then we'll see if they'll ever dare to rough up boss and throw him into a closet."

"There was that time where Tsuna was standing in front of Enma while wearing a maid costume."

"Mukuro." Hayato spat, "By the end of this week, only one of us will remain alive, and it sure as hell won't be him."

"What about the time with the cats."

"Fucking Hibari."

Takeshi snapped out of his thoughts, "What?! _Who_ is fucking Hibari?!"

Hayato sent an Unimpressed Look Takeshi's way. Takeshi sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and nervously chuckled, "Never mind that. Where was I?"

"Boss and Enma." Hayato took out his phone and started fiddling with it, "Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"You have Tsuna's phone tapped?"

Hayato merely nodded in response.

Takeshi put a hand to his chest and wiped away an imaginary tear, "You have come so far. I'm so proud of you!" he punctuated his statement by wrapping his arms around Hayato who elbowed him.

Just in time too, as not a second later, Tsuna's voice filtered into the room through the speaker of Hayato's phone.

"I'm so sorry, Enma! I told Hayato and Takeshi that we're dating! I know I shouldn't have said it without your consent! But they were telling me that they were going to set me up with someone! And it just slipped!"

"It's okay." Came Enma's voice, attempting to soothe Tsuna, "I don't think telling Hayato and Takeshi that we're dating is what you should be worrying about, but that they're planning to hook you up with someone."

"They didn't appear to believe me when I said that I am already dating you."

"Hmm, you think we should try to convince them? Go out on a date and make sure that see us?"

"Okay, that sounds good. Where should we go?"

As the two hashed out details for their date, Hayato and Takeshi listened intently and started to plot how they could 'accidentally' pass by the two.

.

As it turned out, they didn't need to come up with a plan, as Tsuna dropped by again and made sure to tell them about where he was going with Enma- with the fakest smile on his face.

Takeshi and Hayato shared a look and nodded before they crept out after Tsuna to follow him to his date location.

.

Tsuna and Enma entered the café where they agreed to go on their date and made their way to a table for two sitting in quite a prominent position, where they sat facing each other and held each other's hands over the table and started to stare each other in the eyes while loudly sighing dreamily every ten seconds.

Hayato's eyebrow twitched. Next to him, Takeshi sighed, "Look at them, trying too hard to make it look like they're dating."

Hayato honestly was barely able to stop himself from cringing at the exaggerated act.

One if the waitresses walked over to Tsuna and Enma until she stood over them, tapping one foot impatiently.

"Is there something the matter, lovebirds?" She asked, saccharine sweet, eyes promising death and destruction to be unleashed upon the two depending on how they answer.

Hayato made to stand and stomp over towards the waitress; just because his boss was trying too hard to make it look like he was dating someone, it didn't mean the waitress had to be that rude to them.

"You two usually sit side by side. What happened? Did you two fight?" the waitress quirked an eyebrow.

Hayato stopped.

Tsuna awkwardly shifted in place while Enma avoided looking the waitress in the eye.

The waitress snorted, "You know everyone here is a regular who could tell something was out of the ordinary when you two didn't slink into the same seat in the corner like usual."

Enma blushed and Tsuna stuttered, "I-it's complicated!"

"Is your complicated worth the sheer awkwardness you two are exuding?" the waitress looked unimpressed before she pointed towards a table in the far corner of the café, "Go, you dorks, go be sappy idiots in the corner like you always do. I'll bring you your usual?"

Enma smiled shyly at her and stood up, tugging Tsuna with him as he went to the table the waitress pointed at.

The waitress shook her head fondly while the other café occupants sighed in relief.

Takeshi and Hayato shared a Look.

.

Takeshi and Hayato met up with Tsuna and Enma after they left the café.

"So…" Takeshi started, "Are you really dating or is it just a ruse because you don't us to set you up with someone?"

"We really are dating," Enma answered, blushing, "We didn't tell you before because I wasn't ready to do so. I'm sorry."

"Oh, no no no." Takeshi waved a hand, "There is no reason to apologize, I was just curios. Besides, that means we don't have play matchmakers for Tsuna." Takeshi smiled while Hayato kicked him in the shin.

Enma fiddled with his shirt a bit and shyly peered up at Takeshi, "I thought we were being pretty obvious about it though."

Tsuna nodded, "Seriously, Enma stays over at my house some times? Shares the bed with me? Actually keeps some of his clothes in my closet?"

"A lot of us do the same." Takeshi pointed out.

"True…" Tsuna hummed thoughtfully, "But what about the time with the maid costume."

"Wasn't that Mukuro's doing?"

"No?" Tsuna looked confused.

"And the closet?" Enma's blush intensified.

"We thought… bullies…" Hayato trailed off as he realized what the closet situation was actually about and he glared at Enma who squeaked and ducked behind Tsuna nervously chuckled.

"Ahaha, oops?"

.

.

.

Extra:

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"What are we going to do now, idiot?"

"What we do every time, Hayato, try to matchmake."

.

End

sorrynotsorry


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